Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
