I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
