I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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