I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
