my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
