so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
