whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
