I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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