Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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