Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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