Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
