I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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