You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
