Someone shit on the floor
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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