I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
4 words: hood of his car
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
