there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Randomize
