I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
