he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
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I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
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WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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