He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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