You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
