i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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