He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
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Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
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From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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