Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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