so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
