JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
