why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You smell like stripper and shame
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
