I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
