Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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