You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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