theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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