listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
