my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
