I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
