dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
