There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
