I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
