Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
