On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
