I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
