the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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