i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just high enough for therapy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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