If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just cut my nipple shaving
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
