It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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