i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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