I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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