When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
