OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
