It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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