so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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