You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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