Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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