I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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