Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my shit smells like andre
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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