All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
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To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
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Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize