I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
40s are totally the cure
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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