today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
