I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
