i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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