Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
