Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
