I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you didnt know i had herpes?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
