Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
