Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
