Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
