i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
