so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
