he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
