Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
