My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
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He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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