clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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