Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
