shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
