She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
