So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
