So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
