hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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