i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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