Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
