420 ftw
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
