wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
