You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
