i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Randomize
