oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
