Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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