epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
