There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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